The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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