so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
