She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
