My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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