problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
