My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
