I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
