Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
