Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
