i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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