I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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