haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
