if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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