you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ugly people sure do ruin things
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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