Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
