What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
