i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
