Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
