Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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