wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
