toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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