It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
