hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
