Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
