I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
