I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
