Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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