dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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