So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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