youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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