there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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