Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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