Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
