It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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