so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
