He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
