Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
