TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
