Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize