was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize