I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
