yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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