so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
