haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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