D3 body, D1 cock
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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