does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
