my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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