She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize