It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize