I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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