everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
