I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
