Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
