I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize