I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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