I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
