that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
