The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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