I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
