sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm having to shit out rocks
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