I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
