pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
